12.27.2007

Home safe home.


Christmas was revelatory, to put it succinctly. I learned a lot.

Let me just say: last year my mom told me that SHE HAS BREAST IMPLANTS. What?! I... WHAT? Apparently she got them when I was still very young. That was revelatory, but this, this year was bigger. I mean... well, you know.

I'm being silly [what with the breast talk] but honestly, please understand, my world is slightly upside down right now.

I have to rethink a lot of things I thought I had finally managed to understand. Big things, like my sister's estrangement from the family, my dad's walking out and later his complete disappearance, and other various acts of heartlessness over the past 17 years or so.

I did not mean for this to become a blog about my relationship with my mom. And I don't think it will become that, but... I hope I can adequately explain what all this means. I never expected any of this and I can't deny that it's eating up my brain.

It's a lot to think about.
It's a shift.
My new challenge for success is to find a new way to love my mom. That's down the road. Right now I don't have words but the feelings are like this: disgust fury shame.

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