2.05.2008

failing at sibling.

Email from mom over the weekend:
ps Charles M came in and said he had a sat. radio and heard some news story that said it was produced by H------ Coil. Hmmmmm?
This is how we track her: random updates.

For about ten years she would tell ME where she was, but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone else. It was the condition of her talking to me: she didn't want to have to talk to them.

Sometimes they would ask me anyway, even when they knew I wasn't supposed to tell them. Sometimes I'd be vague, and tell them she was okay. That's mostly what they wanted to know, anyway.
Sometimes I'd just lie.
Sometimes I'd snap at them to leave me alone, then go off and actively hate her for putting me in that position and hate them for asking me.

Two years ago she quit talking to me, too.
So ... at least I don't have to lie about knowing where she is anymore.

I do know that she works for a satellite radio station. I guess I could tell Mom, but what good would it do? Everything I'm finding out about Mom lately makes me more confused than ever about my sister.

How much of it was malicious and how much of it was self-preservation.
How much I care.

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