Tim Russert: Hey, Pumpkin. What's wrong?

Me: Gee, Dad. I guess I'm just sort of glum. Brandon - and all of my friends, for that matter - are rehearsing all the time and no one can hang out with me on my birthday. And who the hell is going to pay for all this wedding crap? And why did my grandfather act so weird on the phone? Did he hate the birthday card I sent to him? Why? I thought I was being heartfelt and genuine, but he acted like I filled it with cyanide. What the hell?

Tim Russert: Don't worry, Lacy. Tell you what. I'll pay for everything, cancel everyone's rehearsals, and have a long talk with your grandfather.

I will also make sure that Obama delivers a clear and persuasive message about his plan for the US economy. And send you a website to donate to that will help people who are starving because of this whole nutty famine thing that's suddenly happening.

Me: I love you, Tim Russert. I mean, Dad.

Tim Russert: By the way, Pumpkin, have you lost weight? You look thinner.

Me: (tears brimming)


justin said...

it's your birthday? Happy birthday! You should have some bourbon.

Corrbette said...

Happy birthday!!
You should have bourbon. And champagne. Chambourbon. Bourbonpagne. I'll stop now.

nora said...

Happy Birthday!
I saw Tim Russert speak at the Purdue Ag Alumni dinner at the Indiana State Fairgrounds a couple of years ago.
He'd make a fine father, for one thing he made us all feel like there was no where he'd rather be than at the Fairgrounds talking to a bunch of farmer types.
If he can pull that off, he's got a be a good guy.

DinaBear said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! If I was there I'd give you a big hug. And a High Five.

Lacy said...

Shoot, everybody. I'm sorry. No. This was prebirthday angst. But thanks for all your good wishes, which I no longer deserve after misleading you.

Nora: I'm so glad Tim Russert was indeed as awesome in person as he seems on tv! I adore him even more.

what's his name from that show at the Corn said...

I take it back, then.

And I drink it myself.

Still, I hope the bourbon fairy visits you on your birthday.

Lacy said...

Thanks, Jacob. I appreciate it.