Cat: What. the fuck. is your problem.
Cat: No, seriously. Tell me what's with the petulant-4-year-old bullshit so you can get it out of your system and actually enjoy the one evening you get with your husband.
Me: my ipod is broken
it's snowy, and cold,
and THEY SAID MY VOICE IS FLAT! AND TOO QUIET! MY VOICE IS NOT FLAT AND TOO QUIET! I am LOUD, I can BE LOUD, but I'm not going to fucking SCREAM IN A REHEARSAL ROOM because that's ridiculous, and I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES WITH VOLUME. Why would they SAY that? behind my BACK? To stupid text and voice coaches? And why do I have to have these fucking text coaching sessions, it is a fucking LINE READING SESSION, is all it is, and I'm not at all pretending that I know everything but it's LINE. READINGS. I know, folio technique, I know, using punctuation, but you are giving me LINE. READINGS. and that is fucking annoying when you mimic what i just said and then tell me it's totally wrong and confusing and suggest that I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING???
(huge storm clouds gathering)
I UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING, BUDDY.
Cat: you are kind of a crazy bitch right now. And I can't help but notice this is pretty much 100% ego damage that has you all upset.
Me: but I CAN be loud. I'm always loud enough. I just unconsciously adjust to rehearsal rooms.
And it's a terrible, awful feeling that my boss was talking about how i suck, behind my back.
and it's SO. DAMN. HARD. doing something so important, and never, never knowing if you're doing it right.
Cat: kid. this is just a touring shakesp---
Me: IMPORTANT TO ME. And what if I totally fuck it up? And you know what? You go through the whole process to get the job, and then you get it, and then, one week into rehearsal they might honestly wish they had never cast you. You DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THEY DO.
Cat: Let me be clear: you are being a moron. But I do feel kind of bad for you.
Me: I FEEL BAD FOR ME TOOOOOooooooooooooo (continued sobbing)
Cat: ...Okay, less so now.