there, but by the grace of god, goes my headshot

Today at work my cousin Alex brought in this book:

A compendium of hilariously bad headshots and their accompanying resumes.
All of people who are, in a word, jokes. Without meaning to be jokes.

We all passed the book around. Some were just amazingly bad-idea, wtf headshots.

One man's resume was just a paragraph on how he felt he would play a very good villain/cannibal/Confederate soldier in the Civil War who rapes women.

Some, on the other hand, were heartbreakingly naive. Nikolay, below, instead of a resume just wrote a list of his favorite actors with a humbly polite note in bad English. Thanks for interesting, he wrote at the bottom.

Although all of us were really schadenfreuderifically excited to see the book, no one's excitement lasted long. Every actor featured in this book agreed to be in it, and presumably knew what the premise was, but ...
those headshots and resumes truly were (are?) their genuine best attempt at chasing their dream. We all started feeling like assholes for scoffing at them.
Especially when all of us are chasing the same one, more or less, and have felt pretty damn pathetic ourselves.

This is turning into a longer post. I'll try and keep this part short. But here's a sort of interesting counterpoint, while I'm feeling douchey about laughing at these people.

I have a piece in the "Mortified" series of books, which are similarly all about making fun of heartfelt, very earnest and idiotic things written by teenagers. Come to think about it, my entry, specifically, is about chasing my dream. It's incredibly stupid and naive and hilarious (I planned to run away to England, lose weight by being homeless, and find a way to work in a music store that only sold Smiths/Morrissey merchandise. Or learn how to do hair wraps. Yes. This was my plan.) but I now think it's hilarious and I absolutely welcome people laughing their heads off at my utter idiocy.

Perhaps these are old headshots (a lot of them do look really dated), submitted with the same sense of humor and self-ridicule that I have about my amazingly stupid diary entry when I was 13.


If you're interested, by the way, you should check out Mortified. It really is funny, funny stuff.

1 comment:

Larissa said...

I walked by the Ralph Lauren store on Michigan Avenue last night and was struck dumb by the hideousness of a window display. A male mannequin was wearing very dapper pants, with a sweatshirt tucked into them (a logo sweatshirt), a collared dress shirt under that, suspenders, and a newsboy cap-all in oddly matched colors. I thought, Really, Ralph Lauren? REALLY? And then instantly felt bad because I imagined some struggling shopgirl getting a chance to finally Dress A Window to Impress the Boss and Become a Fashion Designer and this being the end result.

And then I realized there would be no comedy if we didn't laugh at assholes and nerds. And then I realized that I'm an asshole and nerd as well. I think we all are, and I'm glad this post confirms it!

Hope you're doing well!