wait here while I slip into something a little more DENTALLY PRUDENT

I've been a little stressed.

I almost lost my job, and during this period, I've been waking up with a sore and clenched jaw. No big deal. Humans grind their teeth when stressed. Many of us do it at night.

I had my first dentist appointment in 5 years today. He wants me to wear a nightguard. Here is what a nightguard looks like. The prospect of wearing it is akin to the shame of rubber bands on my braces in 7th grade.


I feel like I have failed at handling stress effectively in my life. I should know how to handle this! I studied releasing jaw tension in college.

...It ...was part of vocal training.

Four years of private college. And I can't release my freaking jaw to save my teeth.


Red Hook Beer

Blog: Hey.

Me: Hey. ... I got nothin.

Blog: I'll be here.

Me: I swear, it's coming.

Blog: Congratulations on booking a national ad campaign ... for LUBE.

Me: I will address that later.

Blog: How do you like living in a hotel?

Me: I miss my house.

Blog: And you'll get back to your home...?

Me: It's looking like 2 more weeks now.

Blog: what's the part about Red Hook?

Me: I'll tell you later.

Blog: So what's wrong with your car?

Me: I have to go to bed. Two shows tomorrow.

Blog: Is the callback for the pilot tomorrow too?

Me: (collapsing on bed)


Sudden fame, the wheel of fortune and INXS: harsh mistresses.

INXS Singer Fired, Back to Living In His Car

(Feb. 19) - Four years after scoring the job of frontman for Aussie rockers INXS, J.D. Fortune is broke, homeless and back to living in his car -- just as he was doing before winning the gig on the reality TV series 'Rock Star: INXS.'
I mean.

In a way, it's sort of COMFORTING to know that it was probably the coke that got him fired.

But MY job that makes ME feel like a rock star is ending before too long, and no amount of laying off the blow dedication and hard work can keep that from happening.

And I'll be one more unemployed person with a ridiculously specific and pretty much COMPLETELY USELESS skill set.

Hopefully not living in my car.

I really don't want to live in my car.

Or temp.


sometimes my blog has nothing to do with my blog.

President Obama happily pats this woman at a bakery in Canada

While the secret servicemen behind him are a breath away from ripping that woman's face off like a freshly baked pizza topping.

Bald dude on his IFB: Say the word and her ass is compote.


I am a grown up and a professional

... and I still cannot bring myself to say, "can you hang on a minute while i find something to write on?" when I get a booking.

Well, it's a good freaking thing I took this photo because I just scrubbed this off my leg (so it wouldn't be obvious when I wear a wedding dress for tomorrow's performance) WITHOUT WRITING ANY OF IT DOWN.


this can only end delightfully and messily

Someone in today's talkback asked how long we (in the cast) had known we wanted to be actors.

I always thought that EVERYONE always wanted to be an actor, since I always have.

Much like, who DOESN'T look at this picture and get excited about the Piemegeddon that's about to go down? I mean, look at that hat! He is SO going to get it in the face!


Okay, really, the only reason for this post is that picture and speculation on the pie fight to follow.



No hair dryer should last 19 years.
But this one did.

Sleep well, sweet friend.


a long day of inadvertently pissing off people I like.

In this business, people fear getting yelled at.

So they yell at other people to make sure they do what they're supposed to do to make sure that they don't get yelled at.

No one SHOOTS anyone in the world of commercial casting (unlike in the book I am reading about the Kansas Territory and abolitionism). No one kidnaps anyone's children and eats them. Or anything. They just yell. About commercials. Freaking COMMERCIALS.

I screwed up today.
A lot of people got yelled at because of me. I feel really bad about it.

After it all got resolved, I emailed my agent to say how sorry I am, and how it was a complete mistake on my part, and how terrible I feel for making his day longer and his job harder.

He hasn't emailed back.

Man, I feel just awful.


29: old.

When I understudied the role I'm playing now, many years ago, the actress I was understudying was 30ish. She was the oldest of the four main characters. She didn't seem OLD to me, just established, settled, a little more mellow.

Now I'm the actress. In that role. Pushing 30. (about to push right into pretty soon) and oldest of the four main characters. Older than my love interest by about 7 years.

Two of the girls on the education team said they were talking about me, and I TOTALLY didn't seem 29. Didn't seem that old.


Tiny wrinkles.


Strands of silver.
(though NOT actually balding, as the flash suggests. THANKS FLASH.)

I skipped kindergarten, I had a late birthday, I've always been the youngest in my grade and my groups of friends. Being the oldest is a weird adjustment. Mostly I wonder if I come across as that other actress came across to me: established, settled, a little more mellow.

Even if I TOTALLY don't seem THAT OLD.


defending your happiness. or success. either and both.

Drinks tonight with a friend. Another actor. She's a stay at home mom who waits tables 2 nights a week at an amazing little restaurant in Lincoln Square. She no longer does theater, musical or straight. Equity or storefront. And she's really happy. She said this:
I'm actually having a hard time with how happy I am. I mean, not with me, but with how it looks to other people.
I've been catching up over email with a very close friend from junior high and high school. His last email said this:
So here's something I would like to address: I think I seem over-emphatic and vaguely hysterical when I insist that I like being a salesman. I should say that I suspect it seems that way to other people.
When I write him back I'll tell him I feel the same way about being a commercial actor.

Andy. Really. Who gives a shit?

maybe I am a crankypants lately, but the first 2:30 of this clip always comes to mind whenever I'm at a commercial audition and the ad people are telling me about this AMAZING concept they have for this spot.

I humbly suggest you watch the whole scene if you have time, if you haven't seen the movie. Which is perhaps my favorite movie ever. Viva la sexy screwball comedy. Viva la Soderbergh. Viva la Out Of Sight.

jealousy and and antijealousy

I talked to a friend. A colleague. We work in the same field.
Neither of us makes much money.
She mentioned her condo in a very, very expensive part of town.

Yeah, she said, I bought it. Well, my dad and I bought it.

Her dad bought her a condo.
I know this isn't uncommon, in fact, I know a few other people who have had parental aid in buying a place. I don't know why this one kicked me square in the lady-balls.

Maybe because she also threw out that her dad fixes everything that goes wrong and I'm going on my third week SLEEPING IN THE LIVING ROOM after pipes burst in the ceiling.
Maybe just because it's her dad and my dad skipped out.
Maybe because I'm a little older now and the closer you get to 30, the more I will judge you for taking large sums of money from your parents.
Maybe because I still resent paying for my wedding and not even getting a wedding present from my mom.
Maybe because I still resent paying for college.

I asked Brandon what he thought about people who got so much money from their parents, even as adults.
He shrugged and said he didn't take them as seriously.

This was nice to hear, and it reminded me of my own pride in being so independent and in knowing that I and I alone am responsible for where I am and what I have. But part of me is still SOOOOOO FREAKING JEALOUS. I'm really having a hard time letting this go.

things I like about my life

Eating steamed bao and drinking a greyhound at 2:30 on a wednesday afternoon.


After every one of my performances, we have a talkback where we take questions from the audience. Questions which always, always, always include the time-tested favorite, 'how did you memorize all those words?'

Magic, kids. Magic and cocaine. Which IS magic.

But a day or two ago we got the smartass "how much do you guys make?" scoffy-question.

I remember being younger and not understanding AT ALL why that was such a private question. Now I understand, but I'm not sure I could explain it. So maybe I just FEEL it. But I can't say I understand the feeling.


my success surpassed

My cousin Tai shared this with me via io9:
Mr. Darcy's Brains Taste Foul In My Undead Mouth

New book by Seth Grahame-Smith, titled Pride And Prejudice And Zombies, hopefully reads like this: "I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine, so I ate his brains."

And I was like, WELL SONOFAGUN. Seth Grahame-Smith. I went to college with him. He was a few years older than me.

In fact, I was a freshman when he cast me as the lead in his pilot sitcom, "Hello Kaleidoscope."


"Hello Kaleidoscope."

I was cast, then I showed up to the first day of shooting and it was the first time I heard anyone refer to me, in standard industry speak, as "the talent." I thought they were making fun of me.

Then, as we began shooting, after about 1.3 scenes, I was so freaking nervous that I was seized with the worst kind of nervous diarrhea. I don't know if you've been nervous enough to deal with nervous diarrhea. I'm sorry to say it's part of an actor's life - though, happily, less so as I grow older and mellow out a little. But then, I was not mellow. I was not old. I was 17 and terrified and I did a terrible thing and disappeared from the set to go and poop my brains out.

And an entire studio and control room full of people knew it, and sat, and waited, while my colon bore the brunt of my insecurity and terror.

...Not successful.

Maybe he'll send me an autographed copy if I Facebook Friend him and include "Hello Kaleidscope?" as the message accompanying my friend request.