3.06.2009

cruel jokes

Our hotel leaves us [chocolate-dipped] fortune cookies every night with Complimentary Turndown Service. It ain't bad.

Tonight's fortune:
You will be a loving parent and will have an ideal home life.
Panderers!!!! Shameless fortune whores! This is no fortune cookie, this is a LIE COOKIE!

Things aren't going well with the family. Another campaign of Not Speaking is afoot. Mom somehow got the idea that she's been written out of the will and is so flush with righteous anger she is doing a lot of screaming then door slamming then very dramatically announced Not Speaking. This is not an isolated incident.

So I determined that enough was enough, and took a stand. I told her I loved her, but that I was very upset with how she was acting towards my grandmother, and that I needed a little bit of space from her.

I'm trying to take a stand against my mom, who only speaks to three people in her family, and on Saturday quit speaking two of them. We originally started out with eight (to be fair, one is dead). But anyway, I'm the last one worth speaking to.

What is the point in taking a stand against someone who will never change?

If I'm doing the right thing, as dearly beloved and trusted sources promise me I am, why do I feel like such a terrible asshole?

Why doesn't doing the right thing feel right?

Why does this fortunecookiefortune piss me off so much? AS IF it's that easy. Fuck you, ideal home life. Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou, you don't exist and the myth of you makes me feel like the worst kind of failure who botched what genetics and pure instinct practically guarantee you HAVE to get right.

No comments: