I do NOT like to feel jealous.
When I'm doing well, it is way easier for me to be happy for them.
When I don't get cast in any shows and feel really insecure, I start to get jealous.
I think a lot of actors feel this way. As my cousin Melissa said:
...it's just that we all want to work. We don't begrudge the OTHER person the work, we just want it too.
This year has been really good to me, for me. I've been consistently employed in Equity shows for 5 months straight now. That's CRAZYTOWN. I love it. And I love hearing about good fortune and big opportunities for my cousins and feeling truly happy and excited for them.
I hope this doesn't go away when this string of contracts dries up and I'm unemployed and feeling untalented again.
“I apologize to him. Like I say, after he kicked me out, I should have gone to the clubhouse and kept watching the game,” Zambrano said. “I apologize to throw the ball and do other things."
Oh Carlos Zambrano.
You big inconsistent fiery Latino teddy bear.
After Zambrano got ejected from the game via enormous, unmistakable "YEROUTTAHEEEERE!!!!" umpire gesture, Zambrano did it right back to the ump to throw HIM out of the game.
That doesn't work.
But I like that he tried. I like that somewhere in his brain he could throw the ump out for throwing him out.
I hope that was not among the other things he apologized to.
I keep checking facebook obsessively. Numb. But thank God I have this solid support. Thank you, thank you.Thursday morning her fiance died. Traffic accident. He was on a scooter. She was at my birthday party. She was telling me how excited she was to have mariachis at her wedding.
People can die any way, suddenly and tragically. A great Chicago actor died yesterday of pancreatic cancer that came on suddenly.
Yesterday we went to our friends' for a barbecue. We followed our friend into the backyard to the grills set up by a red scooter.
Me: Whose scooter?
Friend: Oh, that's [girlfriend]'s.
Brandon and I looked at each other really hard and didn't say anything. It's a party.
"...story of a family that must fight the Nazi madness with the one weapon they have: love."
to quote the good ol' Freshman Acting Class joke: I AM YELLING THIS BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY FEEL IT!!!!!!!
...and tomorrow, I will.
I retract a previous statement. You CAN win.
So that critic from 2 posts ago didn't like our play. No huge shock; it's brand new. It's the new kid at school and it's bound to get picked on.
I happened to click on a review of a friend's play, a known, well-established play, an award-winning, proven play by an award-winning, internationally known playwright.
You cannot fucking win, so go have fun. Step away from your computer, Lacy. It's a beautiful day outside.
Irish playwright Martin McDonagh ("Pillowman," "The Beauty Queen of Leenane") is the shock jock of contemporary theater, and you're either turned on by his mock violence or not.I find it infantile and numbingly tedious.
I see your feline ways have influenced many cultures.
(that says "indian proverb" as credit. Sorry. Quick photography)
I .. .oh. So ... there's a blind and deaf kitten? And its owner named it Helen Kelllll...? WAIT.
THAT IS NOT MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
That is a kitten.
You are co-opting wisdom of other people and adding in enormous eyes and furriness.
Not so wise now, huh, KITTENS?
Not the PRODUCTION, but the actual script, the book, the story, the play.
He didn't have much to say about any of the performances, but he seemed to regard my character much the same way I generally regard Tori Amos.
It's never ideal when so much time is spent on a central character's legitimate pain that the audience starts wanting her to get over herself and her miserable lot in life, just so those parts of the play will end.There's an ongoing joke (? common knowledge?) that this particular critic was IN LOOOOVE with Wicked, like, embarrassingly in love, FRONT PAGE NEWS! WICKED cast likes Lou Malnati's pizza! ME TOO!!!! - and that the guy in general drools over huge megabudget musicals.
Not that that surfaced in this review ...
But one useful lesson that "The Walls" could take from the new Broadway musical "Next to Normal" ...
Me: oh no.
Bowie: Present for YOU!
Bowie: PREZZZZIE!!! For my favorite OWNERS!!!!
Me: Gross gross gross gross
Bowie: Hey. Hey. Quiz: Who lives in this house, like to bat things around, and shares blood lines with the ferocious predatorial puma?
Brandon's birthday present for me finally came in the mail. It really did take my breath away.
I'm doing a show at Theater on the Lake with my favorite theater company in the world.
Then I woke up and saw this via Shakesville via Dammit, and boom, tears.
President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)
My college roommate just wrote me about them.
so you did tampon commercials and now K-Y commercials? what's up with the obvious theme here? and---god help me for asking--what kinds of head shots are you giving these people?!?
Lacy, a former co-worker who is now making a go at being a full time actor, has been in the office lately doing some voice-over work.OkayokayokayOKAY.
1. yes I am perhaps a little drunkblogging.
2. I do a lot of dissing on myself. Wait. No one says dissing anymore. I QUESTION MYSELF A LOT. I am hard on myself. BUT LISTEN.
3. I have never held a full time non-acting job since college. And I quit freelancing outside of acting and writing in 2005. And haven't had to go back since.
4. Because I am a full time actor. Bitches.
I'm an obnoxiously insecure and probably not a terribly successful full time actor, but dammit, I am one. I am not MAKING A GO AT IT. I make a go at doing a single pull-up. I am GOING this shit. DOING GOING IT.
And after even the worst auditions, that makes me proud and keeps me from quitting.
6. MAYBE I DID HAVE a really rough final dress tonight, and we'll have our first paying audience tomorrow [vomits on self] THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT OKAY!? The beauty of it is that I can sleep in tomorrow, spend a few hours at a coffee shop with my script, work out, then show up to an 8-hour rehearsal because, if you will please refer back to Item 4;
4. Because I am a full time actor. Bitches.
Let me be specific.
Not mean about the play. Really mean about the lead actress. Beyond the purposes of theater criticism. Vindictive. It had an agenda. And that agenda read like this:
The play is flawed in many ways, but its greatest failure is that THIS ACTRESS DRAGGED DOWN THE ENTIRE PLAY, WHY DID THEY EVER USE HER SHE'S HORRIBLE.I was new to the whole game, but remember thinking, what exactly are you trying to accomplish, Theater Reviewer? Disagreeing with -even hating- a performance/interpretation is one thing, especially if it doesn't serve the play, etc etc. This was just abuse.
So I tried to find this review to show you what I'm so afraid of and I learned two things.
the ill-used actress in question is actually in my current show. And she's amazing.
that article doesn't exist on the web anymore. Believe me. I looked. I REALLY wanted to prove my point to you about how awful it could potentially be when we open this show on Sunday and I drag down the entire production. I could purchase the archive, but it's no longer floating in the massive Antarctica-sized google lagoon.
#2b: Lagooglegoon. Lagoongle. Galoogle
That stuff really does fade away.
From my facebook wall:
If it happened to be Tom Hanks in a trailer for Angels & Demons, I claim that I win this match on all fronts.
Hey, you were just on TV. Guess you're going to be getting that a lot, but it's true. It was you, and then Tom Hanks within, like, 3 seconds.
Have you discovered the new way of writing for the Intertubes? Nice successment, primo.
Thought 1: This shows a previously-unheard-of amout of parking availability in this neighborhood.
Thought 2: oh. No, now I see the sign in the middle.
Okay. THERE we go.
A moment of repose and focus. Ashley's phone quietly vibrates.
Ashley: Hey. What's up.
Oh, you know. I'm at the theater. In the dressing room with my bitches.
I didn't realize before that there were so many bitches in this play.
yeah, we all share a dressing room
... average titty size?
Steppenwolf emailed out, then featured on their website, several edgy and candid (read: "unflattering") photos of you today.
You should feel good about this.
You shouldn't base your future self-worth off of it, but you should feel a little satisfaction.
maybe wear some makeup to rehearsal?
[thanks, random co-flickr user for this picture of an empty desk. Also please do not sue me. I'm poor and I assure you it wouldn't be worth it.]
I went in to do some freelance voice work at a company where I used to work.
Me: So how are things going?
Friend At Company: Oh... you know... a little weird today. There's THAT. Today.
And he looks discreetly but meaningfully at the empty desk.
Which meant nothing to me. Desk assignments there are fluid and there's always more desks than people.
So because I am so very quick on the uptake, Friend At Company silently scrolled through his IM chat from earlier in the day, then highlighted, "so what's going on with this meeting and [Name of Poor Mofo Here].?" Followed by "no idea - do you know" and other grim speculations until I very brightly said OH! then looked at the desk again with all the subtlety of Sweetums.
ain't no job security nowhere.
so I may as well be job insecure doing what I like.
When there's baseball on it's downright heavenly.
acting is pretty damn amazing when you can say you know both these guys:
Another friend's status was: "was told by [major casting director] that she was 'horrible' today."
I felt good about my audition, but I kind of think I was the only one in the room who did. Like I said, sometimes they just don't feel you.
That bar tonight DID feel my rendition of Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak," though.
And it was also a lot more fun.
Which makes no sense. Nevertheless, I prepared like a mofo.
Then I got SICK. I got could not get out of bed sick. I called the casting director (from my bed, in TEARS) to apologize, and I am pretty sure she didn't believe me, and then ... I didn't get called for 5 years. So it goes.
I have an audition there tomorrow. With these 7 pages, 2 scenes, 1 monologue. I have prepared like a mofo.
Sometimes people just don't feel you. When what you do is so totally subjective, not everyone is going to like it. And it's not that you did a bad job! They just aren't feeling YOU. That is a terrible fear to walk into an audition with. Because nothing you do will ever be right.
Fearing that is a good mental habit to break.
I'm working on that.
For now, I cannot. fucking. sleep.
related and wholly irresponsible:
fuck you costume, you'll fit one way or another! Wheeeeheeeeeee!
BUT. Here it is.
She said she was flattered, but that she couldn't base any of her self-worth on it, because next time it would be some other Hollywood Ball of Lithe Hotness, and then what would that do to her self esteem?
I'm so excited to be doing a show at the Steppenwolf. Even if it is the garage space. Even if it isn't technically produced by Steppenwolf. But in 2 months, I won't be doing a show there. And I can already tell you waht that threatens to do to my self-esteem.
It's a smart recalibration. Find other, more lasting things to feel good about yourself about (about about).
Thanks Hot Lady.