now & later

I like to be happy for my cousins. When they're doing well, getting big auditions, in big and very good shows, etc., etc.
I do NOT like to feel jealous.
When I'm doing well, it is way easier for me to be happy for them.
When I don't get cast in any shows and feel really insecure, I start to get jealous.

I think a lot of actors feel this way. As my cousin Melissa said:
...it's just that we all want to work. We don't begrudge the OTHER person the work, we just want it too.

It's true.

This year has been really good to me, for me. I've been consistently employed in Equity shows for 5 months straight now. That's CRAZYTOWN. I love it. And I love hearing about good fortune and big opportunities for my cousins and feeling truly happy and excited for them.
I hope this doesn't go away when this string of contracts dries up and I'm unemployed and feeling untalented again.

That's all.


I apologize to throw the ball and do other things.

Cubs Carlos Zambrano

“I apologize to him. Like I say, after he kicked me out, I should have gone to the clubhouse and kept watching the game,” Zambrano said. “I apologize to throw the ball and do other things."

Oh Carlos Zambrano.
You big inconsistent fiery Latino teddy bear.

After Zambrano got ejected from the game via enormous, unmistakable "YEROUTTAHEEEERE!!!!" umpire gesture, Zambrano did it right back to the ump to throw HIM out of the game.

That doesn't work.
But I like that he tried. I like that somewhere in his brain he could throw the ump out for throwing him out.

I hope that was not among the other things he apologized to.



Friend's status update:

I keep checking facebook obsessively. Numb. But thank God I have this solid support. Thank you, thank you.

Thursday morning her fiance died. Traffic accident. He was on a scooter. She was at my birthday party. She was telling me how excited she was to have mariachis at her wedding.

People can die any way, suddenly and tragically. A great Chicago actor died yesterday of pancreatic cancer that came on suddenly.


Yesterday we went to our friends' for a barbecue. We followed our friend into the backyard to the grills set up by a red scooter.

Me: Whose scooter?
Friend: Oh, that's [girlfriend]'s.

Brandon and I looked at each other really hard and didn't say anything. It's a party.


beggars can't be choosers

But I am not exactly excited about auditioning for the play with THIS synopsis:

"...story of a family that must fight the Nazi madness with the one weapon they have: love."


I am an artist

For my audition tomorrow, I've been told that they REALLY want someone who can be as much like Billy Mays as possible. For real.

to quote the good ol' Freshman Acting Class joke: I AM YELLING THIS BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY FEEL IT!!!!!!!
...and tomorrow, I will.

if you round up, IT'S A PERFECT RECORD!

Two fussy reviews about the script itself, two glowing reviews that recommend it highly.

I retract a previous statement. You CAN win.
Just selectively.


Just for the record, you can't win.

You really. can't. win.

So that critic from 2 posts ago didn't like our play. No huge shock; it's brand new. It's the new kid at school and it's bound to get picked on.

I happened to click on a review of a friend's play, a known, well-established play, an award-winning, proven play by an award-winning, internationally known playwright.

First sentence:

Irish playwright Martin McDonagh ("Pillowman," "The Beauty Queen of Leenane") is the shock jock of contemporary theater, and you're either turned on by his mock violence or not.

I find it infantile and numbingly tedious.
You cannot fucking win, so go have fun. Step away from your computer, Lacy. It's a beautiful day outside.

Wisdom of kittens

Congratulations, Kittens, for being wise enough to have your own book. Way to go.

I see your feline ways have influenced many cultures.

(that says "indian proverb" as credit. Sorry. Quick photography)

I .. .oh. So ... there's a blind and deaf kitten? And its owner named it Helen Kelllll...? WAIT.


That is a kitten.
You are co-opting wisdom of other people and adding in enormous eyes and furriness.
You busted.

Not so wise now, huh, KITTENS?

review quote alert

Well, critic #1 didn't like the play.
Not the PRODUCTION, but the actual script, the book, the story, the play.
He didn't have much to say about any of the performances, but he seemed to regard my character much the same way I generally regard Tori Amos.
It's never ideal when so much time is spent on a central character's legitimate pain that the audience starts wanting her to get over herself and her miserable lot in life, just so those parts of the play will end.
There's an ongoing joke (? common knowledge?) that this particular critic was IN LOOOOVE with Wicked, like, embarrassingly in love, FRONT PAGE NEWS! WICKED cast likes Lou Malnati's pizza! ME TOO!!!! - and that the guy in general drools over huge megabudget musicals.
Not that that surfaced in this review ...
But one useful lesson that "The Walls" could take from the new Broadway musical "Next to Normal" ...


Bowie's Success


Me: oh no.

Bowie: Present for YOU!

Me: Brandon?

Bowie: PREZZZZIE!!! For my favorite OWNERS!!!!

Me: Gross gross gross gross

Bowie: Hey. Hey. Quiz: Who lives in this house, like to bat things around, and shares blood lines with the ferocious predatorial puma?


it's going good

Last night's preview went really, really well.
Brandon's birthday present for me finally came in the mail. It really did take my breath away.
I'm doing a show at Theater on the Lake with my favorite theater company in the world.

Then I woke up and saw this via Shakesville via Dammit, and boom, tears.

President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)


define "respectable."

It's a fairly deal to get a national network ad campaign. They can pay pretty well, depending on how much/when the commercials actually air. I've had two. Respectable, not phenomenal.

My college roommate just wrote me about them.

so you did tampon commercials and now K-Y commercials? what's up with the obvious theme here? and---god help me for asking--what kinds of head shots are you giving these people?!?


I'm on a friend's blog. Here's how he introduces me:
Lacy, a former co-worker who is now making a go at being a full time actor, has been in the office lately doing some voice-over work.

1. yes I am perhaps a little drunkblogging.

2. I do a lot of dissing on myself. Wait. No one says dissing anymore. I QUESTION MYSELF A LOT. I am hard on myself. BUT LISTEN.

3. I have never held a full time non-acting job since college. And I quit freelancing outside of acting and writing in 2005. And haven't had to go back since.

4. Because I am a full time actor. Bitches.

I'm an obnoxiously insecure and probably not a terribly successful full time actor, but dammit, I am one. I am not MAKING A GO AT IT. I make a go at doing a single pull-up. I am GOING this shit. DOING GOING IT.

And after even the worst auditions, that makes me proud and keeps me from quitting.

6. MAYBE I DID HAVE a really rough final dress tonight, and we'll have our first paying audience tomorrow [vomits on self] THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT OKAY!? The beauty of it is that I can sleep in tomorrow, spend a few hours at a coffee shop with my script, work out, then show up to an 8-hour rehearsal because, if you will please refer back to Item 4;
4. Because I am a full time actor. Bitches.


monster in closet

Years and years ago I happened to read a random review in the Tribune about a play. That review was SO MEAN.
Let me be specific.
Not mean about the play. Really mean about the lead actress. Beyond the purposes of theater criticism. Vindictive. It had an agenda. And that agenda read like this:
The play is flawed in many ways, but its greatest failure is that THIS ACTRESS DRAGGED DOWN THE ENTIRE PLAY, WHY DID THEY EVER USE HER SHE'S HORRIBLE.
I was new to the whole game, but remember thinking, what exactly are you trying to accomplish, Theater Reviewer? Disagreeing with -even hating- a performance/interpretation is one thing, especially if it doesn't serve the play, etc etc. This was just abuse.

So I tried to find this review to show you what I'm so afraid of and I learned two things.
the ill-used actress in question is actually in my current show. And she's amazing.

that article doesn't exist on the web anymore. Believe me. I looked. I REALLY wanted to prove my point to you about how awful it could potentially be when we open this show on Sunday and I drag down the entire production. I could purchase the archive, but it's no longer floating in the massive Antarctica-sized google lagoon.
#2a: ...Lagooglen.

#2b: Lagooglegoon. Lagoongle. Galoogle
#Grand Conclusion:
That stuff really does fade away.


me and tom hanks

Apparently my long-awaited k-y commercial is running.

From my facebook wall:

Hey, you were just on TV. Guess you're going to be getting that a lot, but it's true. It was you, and then Tom Hanks within, like, 3 seconds.

If it happened to be Tom Hanks in a trailer for Angels & Demons, I claim that I win this match on all fronts.

micro fiction/weekend reading

Over at his blog, Urraca, my cousin Cesar has been posting some exquisite nuggets of what he calls microfiction. Go check them out. They are internet-sized reading and strange and lovely. My favorite is Micro Fiction, Story 4: Mantis Love.

Have you discovered the new way of writing for the Intertubes? Nice successment, primo.


rogers parking

In the continued gentrification of my neighborhood, they painted over some perfectly good Latin Kings graffiti with this mural:

Thought 1: This shows a previously-unheard-of amout of parking availability in this neighborhood.

Thought 2: oh. No, now I see the sign in the middle.

Okay. THERE we go.

c, maybe d

First day of tech = first day in the dressing room together.
A moment of repose and focus. Ashley's phone quietly vibrates.

Ashley: Hey. What's up.
Oh, you know. I'm at the theater. In the dressing room with my bitches.
I didn't realize before that there were so many bitches in this play.
yeah, we all share a dressing room
... average titty size?


Dear Lacy

Dear Lacy:

Steppenwolf emailed out, then featured on their website, several edgy and candid (read: "unflattering") photos of you today.

Lacy Campbell and Meighan Gerachis

You should feel good about this.
You shouldn't base your future self-worth off of it, but you should feel a little satisfaction.

Your blog

Mierka Girten and Lacy Campbell
maybe wear some makeup to rehearsal?

empty desks

I couldn't take a picture because it would have been tacky.

[thanks, random co-flickr user for this picture of an empty desk. Also please do not sue me. I'm poor and I assure you it wouldn't be worth it.]

I went in to do some freelance voice work at a company where I used to work.

Me: So how are things going?
Friend At Company: Oh... you know... a little weird today. There's THAT. Today.

And he looks discreetly but meaningfully at the empty desk.
Which meant nothing to me. Desk assignments there are fluid and there's always more desks than people.

So because I am so very quick on the uptake, Friend At Company silently scrolled through his IM chat from earlier in the day, then highlighted, "so what's going on with this meeting and [Name of Poor Mofo Here].?" Followed by "no idea - do you know" and other grim speculations until I very brightly said OH! then looked at the desk again with all the subtlety of Sweetums.


well shit.
ain't no job security nowhere.
so I may as well be job insecure doing what I like.

my rock and roll lifestyle.

After weeks of preparing, then a morning full of random auditions and then that BIG audition, it is very nice to be done for the day, done with that cloud hanging over you, and go have a beer at 2:00 in the afternoon.

When there's baseball on it's downright heavenly.


pride of association

acting is pretty damn amazing when you can say you know both these guys:


I noticed one of my friends had the same audition I did today. Later, on facebook, her status was set to "is in need of a faith transfusion." We email-commiserated and my day was sort of made when she wrote, "You give me hope, Lacy... but man - today was a hard one. "

Another friend's status was: "was told by [major casting director] that she was 'horrible' today."



I didn't sing this one. I was afraid it wouldn't go over. I mean, I may be lonesome, I may be orn'ry and I very well may be mean, but I am most certainly not Waylon.

I felt good about my audition, but I kind of think I was the only one in the room who did. Like I said, sometimes they just don't feel you.

That bar tonight DID feel my rendition of Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak," though.
And it was also a lot more fun.


sometimes, they just don't feel you.

The last audition I had for Badass Edgy Broadway-Exportin' Theater Company was six years ago. I was 24. I was called in for the role of a 35-year-old woman.

Which makes no sense. Nevertheless, I prepared like a mofo.

Then I got SICK. I got could not get out of bed sick. I called the casting director (from my bed, in TEARS) to apologize, and I am pretty sure she didn't believe me, and then ... I didn't get called for 5 years. So it goes.

I have an audition there tomorrow. With these 7 pages, 2 scenes, 1 monologue. I have prepared like a mofo.

Sometimes people just don't feel you. When what you do is so totally subjective, not everyone is going to like it. And it's not that you did a bad job! They just aren't feeling YOU. That is a terrible fear to walk into an audition with. Because nothing you do will ever be right.

Fearing that is a good mental habit to break.
I'm working on that.
For now, I cannot. fucking. sleep.


also related

whatever, blog, that was TOTALLY an insightful and touching post! Wheeeeeheeeeeeeeee!

thank you midwest

Should I feel bad for coming home drunk and eating three cheddar bratwurst? Because I actually feel AWESOME. Cheddar bratwurst with MAYO, YALL!!!!

related and wholly irresponsible:
fuck you costume, you'll fit one way or another! Wheeeeheeeeeee!


brilliance from an unlikely source.

I don't remember what Hollywood Ball of Lithe Hotness it was. Maybe Eva Longoria. But she was saying how she was flattered to be America's #1 Hottest Lady According to Men's Fitness US Weekly People Digest ... I don't know. Hot Lady Is Declared Hot, front page news.

BUT. Here it is.
She said she was flattered, but that she couldn't base any of her self-worth on it, because next time it would be some other Hollywood Ball of Lithe Hotness, and then what would that do to her self esteem?

I'm so excited to be doing a show at the Steppenwolf. Even if it is the garage space. Even if it isn't technically produced by Steppenwolf. But in 2 months, I won't be doing a show there. And I can already tell you waht that threatens to do to my self-esteem.

It's a smart recalibration. Find other, more lasting things to feel good about yourself about (about about).
Thanks Hot Lady.