sometimes, they just don't feel you.

The last audition I had for Badass Edgy Broadway-Exportin' Theater Company was six years ago. I was 24. I was called in for the role of a 35-year-old woman.

Which makes no sense. Nevertheless, I prepared like a mofo.

Then I got SICK. I got could not get out of bed sick. I called the casting director (from my bed, in TEARS) to apologize, and I am pretty sure she didn't believe me, and then ... I didn't get called for 5 years. So it goes.

I have an audition there tomorrow. With these 7 pages, 2 scenes, 1 monologue. I have prepared like a mofo.

Sometimes people just don't feel you. When what you do is so totally subjective, not everyone is going to like it. And it's not that you did a bad job! They just aren't feeling YOU. That is a terrible fear to walk into an audition with. Because nothing you do will ever be right.

Fearing that is a good mental habit to break.
I'm working on that.
For now, I cannot. fucking. sleep.


Alex said...


Claff said...

Wow, totally happened to me once. Got called by the Broadway-Exportin' Theater when I was -- hmm, 30? to play the role of a 18-year-old Irish girl. (?? sometimes I just think they like being perverse.)

Massive, massive breakup with my live-in boyfriend the day of the audition. Called in tears.

Didn't hear back for six years.

Crossing my fingers for you... also I'm a total convert to your blog. :)

td said...

When you're done busting your ass for the audition read this book, completely changed the way I feel about this business.


Check it out at the library because only about 1/3 of it is really relevant for actors and the rest is for econ-MBA-math geeks. In a random environment its more beneficial long run to be the random thing. We will kill ourselves trying to figure out what they want and they're fuckin' stupid anyway so.....

David D. said...

I always try to think of the world of decision makers who we as actors have to cater to using Spalding Gray's old term, 'The Big Dumb Machine that waits to make up its mind'.

For me, that helps make it all a little less personal.

A little.

Sometimes. Ok, rarely. But every once in awhile. I know this audition already came and went, but I think they'd be lucky to have you.

Lacy said...

yeah... no callback. Bound to happen. I keep smacking myself for concentrating on a stupid audition, though, when I've got such a great show on my hands. Best to just focus on that, right?
You're right Dave. But it's so hard not to personalize the failures. Because I want to personalize the successes.