8.07.2009

How To Make Money as an Actor


Wear a blonde wig and a dress made out of napkins at ritzy parties as an "environmental performer."

Act coy and flirtatious. Speak to no one because you're too cool for school. People can take a napkin and gradually it will be revealed that you're wearing a 50's-style swimsuit underneath.

Here's the important part: Rich people at ritzy parties will love it.

That's it. That's how you do it.

7 comments:

Corrbette said...

I've heard of these. Wow. It's probably more interesting than where I'm sitting. It has to be.

Jeremy said...

This is why I read... to take myself to new places, places I couldn't imagine on my own.

I have a slight procedural question. How does the first rich person know that it is acceptable to take a napkin? Is that in the acting? Or is that the caterer's responsibility, to let people know where the napkins are? Do you start with a few napkins removed and people ostentatiously wiping their faces around you? I don't know, I'm curious. But this is probably why I'm not invited to more parties with BFA-carrying napkin dispensers.

Lacy said...

Good question, Jeremy.
Many rich people don't know.

Sometimes I am paired up with a "briefcase server," (another acting job) a spy-looking person who walks around with a briefcase handcuffed to them, and they will walk up to you, open it up spy-style, and there are delicious appetizers inside. You take one, then I am standing there with him, so it's a logical progression that you should also take a napkin.

more often than not I have to offer someone the corner of a napkin and pair it with a tempting and inquisitive look. THIS IS WHERE MY MAD ACTING SKILLZ COME INTO PLAY. Then they say something brilliant like, "oh! should I take a napkin?" and giggle, sometimes frantically and uncomfortably. Some refuse out of deep concern for my modesty. Really. Then later when they're liquored up, it gets different.

I did this job at a casino opening once and that produced ...some truly legendary stories.

Rachel Wilson said...

This is fantastic! I want a napkin dress!

ecolelie said...

my question is have you ever had anyone just wipe their face right on you?
now that takes some liquored up balls

Jeremy said...

Thank you for the additional details and insight. I have another question, which sounds rhetorical but it really isn't. The question is, why would someone think this was a good idea for a party?

Does this sort of formally permitted disrobing make everyone just a bit more licentious... you know, getting the party going? (And making it worse for the napkin gal once the booze gets flowing, but you can't make un omelet de fines herbes without breaking a few eggs.)

Is it a kind of performance art feel, where there's a lot of stylization, so everyone thinks they're at a very sophisticated and interesting event?

Is it just kind of a weird thing, where people are supposed to be all kids-at-the-circus gobsmacked by all the crazy party crazy?

Or is it just an idea someone had, and now, people expect it at parties, like chocolate fountains? If so, are there any disasters where some normal rich woman gets people walking up to her and wiping panko crumbs off their mouths with her matching shawl?

Or am I overthinking this whole thing? I dunno. I guess there are some fancy ol' parties out there, you bet.

Lacy said...

Jeremy:
http://www.redmoon.org/hire/food-service/
If you are, say, throwing a very fancy fundraiser or gala - many of these events are for really high-level donors, $500/plate type things, you want your party to be as unique and memorable as possible. So you bring in this kind of stuff. It actually works really well, especially in gorgeous venues like the cultural center or union station, where they spend thousands on special lighting for the event itself. at its best, it really does transform the space and makes the whole atmosphere seem really magical. Other acts at these parties include Midnight Circus (think one-person cirque acts) and lots of live music. One party we did even had an 8-foot-high trampoline with gymnasts on snowboards doing elaborate flips and stuff.