10.20.2009

advice

What does it say about your ego if you think  __________?
  • that you have some decent perspectives on life and even some good advice
  • that the bullet point above is pretty moot because no one really would listen to you 
  • that if you know something, everyone else has probably known it for a while now so you're probably just stating the obvious

(pause for thought. Also pause to wonder if this is particularly incriminating.)

I guess that says you have the kind of ego that is well-suited to starting a blog.

A girl in my class mentioned that, on a recent trip back to her hometown, she passed her estranged father's house and saw him, through the window, for the first time in 7 years or so.  He didn't see her. 
She talked about how life was too short, and although it was kind of his place to make the first move, she was thinking of contacting him.

She didn't seem like she wanted to.  She seemed to feel like she was supposed to. 

We didn't have a lot of time, but I sort of whispered to her that I hadn't seen my dad in 16 years, just to tell her if she ever wanted to talk ...  it's nice to know you aren't the only one.  Her face really lit up. Then someone started acting and we all had to shut up.

So this is what I emailed her. It's unsolicited advice. I wish someone had solicited it to me, though.

Yes, life is too short to bear grudges, harbor resentments, all that. Everyone says that and it's true. 
But this is also true: life is also too short to chase after someone who isn't able to (for whatever reason) share themselves with you.  Sometimes, life is too short not to move on and focus on the blessings and love and beautiful people who are in your life now, and nurture those relationships that give you love and acceptance in return - not the ones that break your heart again and again. It's okay to leave those behind and move on.

That's it.
Maybe some successful advice on a shitty situation.
Maybe some shitty advice on an eventually successful situation.

4 comments:

Corrbette said...

I think it's great advice. Solicited or no. Very true, very straightforward and, most importantly, very devoid of telling her what to do.

td said...

I like to say, when necessary, that the line to kiss my ass forms to the right. You are dead on.

Lizzy said...

You rock, Lacy.
Fantastic advice - and the same advice offered by renowned psychotherapists. Check this recent NY Times article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html?scp=1&sq=Toxic%20parents&st=cse

Lacy said...

Lizzy, that's amazing. Thank you so much for sending me that link. And I'm so glad to hear from you! When I saw your comment I yelled out "LIZZY!!!"
I'm definitely going to pass that on to the girl in my class.