Why I have a blog? maybe?

Quote of the day.  Thanks Tea Party, via Brandon.  Thanks Brandon.  Thanks Tea Party.  Thanks Ira. Thanks moon.
Most everyone I know who does interesting creative work, they went through a phase of years where they had really good taste and they could tell what they were making wasn't as good as they wanted it to be...and the thing I would say to you is everybody goes through that...you gotta know it's totally normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work...because it's only through actually going through a volume of work that you're actually going to catch up and close that gap, and the work you're making will be as good as your ambitions.

-Ira Glass

the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work


it's okay to make work that you know isn't perfect.


my justice system can put your justice system in the ground

I have some beef with China.  I won't go into it, but a lot of it is summed up in the first 2 paragraphs of this article:
Beijing gave its first public response to the whereabouts of human rights lawyer Gao Zhisheng on January 21, saying that he “is where he should be.”

The whereabouts of China's most famous human rights lawyer Gao Zhisheng, often called the “conscience of China,” has been the subject of intense inquiry since a Beijing police officer recently claimed that Gao “went missing” while in police custody last Sept.

Gross, China.  I'm not always proud of everything my country does, but seriously, that's gross.

I had jury duty yesterday, which some regard as an inconvenience.

(friend's comment on facebook:  Don't do it! Act crazy! I just did jury duty and it sucked. Jurors are idiots. Especially the overly educated ones! Good luck.)

Luckily, as an actor, I'm accustomed to spending entire days sitting around waiting on other people's whims, so I was well prepared.  I read the first half of a nice brainy book, sketched out the script for my next piece of theater I'm writing, and crocheted up a storm.

I was happy and proud BECAUSE IT'S MY CIVIC DUTY AND RIGHT, CHINA.  A good old American trial by jury of my peers. 

Also, I got paid $17.20 for my trouble!

And I got an hour and a half lunch break!   Where I got these great earrings for $3!

Suck on that, China!



post script, or, that went as well as possible.


[Lacy finishes her monologue from the show. It goes well. ]

LA Important Guy:  ...that was lovely.  Just absolutely lovely.

Lacy: Thank you.  (turns to go, almost makes it out of the room)

Chicago Casting Woman: ...but you're not fat.

LA: No, you're not.  And I'm not sure how I should really tell you that, but...

Lacy: Oh, you can tell me that ANY TIME, AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

LA: (laughing) You're a wonderful actress, and you will have plenty of work on your doorstep.  But you aren't fat, and we need someone fat for this role.


I [heart] my Badditude

Thanks for the hollas yesterday, big poppas.
I am feeling better, way better. Thanks.

Today at 5:30 I have a pilot audition to play the lead in a sitcom.    IN FRONT OF the actual producers, flying in from LA, no less.  This is Opportunity Gold.  This is the stuff.  Landing auditions for series leads in the room with network producers = success.

I've had these sides for over a week and I've looked at them twice.

A. the script is wretched, and
B. I'm auditioning to play a really fat woman.   A fat woman who makes fat jokes about herself.  Who connects with her romantic interest (also fat) by making fat jokes. NOT FUNNY fat jokes. Believe me, I loooong to share them with you, but that's a little too imprudent even for me.

So, there you go. Career milestone ... and I dream of going in with both hands flipping off the entire room for writing such a bad script and for casting a woman with a 100% healthy BMI (and believe me, I check obsessively) as GROTESQUELY OBESE.

AND: I just have to say this, the fact that I think the script is mind-blowingly horrible means that it's going to be one of the few that actually makes a full season next year.  Mark my words. 
I was equally as down on the show concept when I had two callbacks to be the cohost of American Idol (no shit) ten years ago or whatever. 

In a way though,
it feels kind of awesome not to care.


also [my turn to panic, Discover Card. My turn.]

I can't even commit to posting this on facebook because part of me feels so humiliated and ashamed.

Right now this feels like accepting, and even embracing failure.  Hell. Feels like freaking SEEKING IT OUT. What, I'm scared of being broke? So is everyone! No one is prepared for retirement!  No one has enough savings! 


.. . I knoooooooow.  GAWD.
I know.
But still.

You could leave me a nice comment if you feel like it, and tell me you don't think I'm giving up on myself.
If you feel like it.

I'm not crying.

falling back.

I did it. 
I committed to a fallback career, and I don't know if I feel totally proud of or utterly disgusted with myself.
I authorized a $799 paymet to JER Online Learning, otherwise known as www.techwriter-certification.com for
The Basic Certificate in Writing
TWC 900 is for those seeking new career paths. We introduce you to the field of Technical Communications and provide a number of practical writing projects and assignments that will get you on the road to success. Average completion time, 15 weeks.

...prompting, BY THE WAY, a panicked blitzkrieg of Fraud Detection calls to both my cell and home phone, accompanied by a full freeze of ANY account access whatsoever from Discover Card, until I called them back [from an authorized number] and promised them that yes, I meant to do it, yes, it's me Lacy, and no, it doesn't mean that I'm giving up on myself as an artist, in fact I've never felt more confident; I'm just finding a more realistic and responsible way of living.

Oh lord. Why am I doing this?

Here's why I'm doing this:
  • Freelance technical writing will allow me to work as much as I want/need to, based on whatever Artistic Exploits come my way.  
Sudden offer to do puppet theater in Guatemala for 2 months? No problem. I won't take any writing gigs for a while.  Onslaught of boring shows, botched auditions or just plain Sick Of Theater? Great. I'll lay low, write, and build up some funds. 
  • I'll have a marketable skill that can command a livable wage.  
A livable-like-a-normal-person wage, not livable-like-a-broke-ass-artist wage.  Otherwise, what am I qualified for? I've been an actor for so long that all my other skills are totally outdated. And I am a shitty, shitty waitress. No lie.
  • I can do it anywhere.
Since I love Chicago, but I don't want to feel forced to live here.
  • Sounds like it would be good for someone who enjoys writing and organizing.
...And organizing their writing with bullet points.  And the occasional outline.

Stay tuned for 15 weeks of learning to write software instructions, training manuals and FAQ's.
I have to say, I'm excited about using these sort of boring, dry formats to deal with balancing art and life. Which I'm going to have A LOT OF ISSUES ABOUT.  

...Also I'll hopefully learn not to end a sentence with a preposition.


giving it away.

I think we would all agree that part of a successful life includes providing for those less fortunate.

After staring at a mind-boggling list of immensely worthy and reputable channels for Haiti relief (you can find a very good list here), I just donated to these guys:
I like the simplicity of their mission: "Our work will be finished someday when every needy person in every distressed corner of the world has a pair of shoes."  It seems like one of those small, practical things that is easy to overlook, and these guys make it their entire focus.

I guess we're all trying to do what feels right.

Like Shaq.  He's organizing too.
Shaq wants Kobe and LeBron in dunk contest
"Half the money go to the people of Haiti and the other half go to the winner."

... half.


the best thing I did in 2010

I really hope you see it.
Monday, January 18th at the Black Rock Pub.
7:30 sharp.

more info, pictures and terrible adventures in html at www.beowulfvsgrendel.com.


couples that game together

We got a Wii for Christmas.
It's hard for me to imagine playing video games together as quality couple time, but I understand that it is. Can be.

Last night:

Later, in bed:
Me: I'm sorry I called you a motherfucker. When you won and I crashed.
Brandon: 'sok. I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
Me: Well. I did 5-star Truck Smash you.
Brandon: zzzz


quoting a quote

From my cousin Hilary, while I'm in this rut of getting up after getting punched down:
"And I recall an account of Trollope going up to London to pick up a rejected manuscript from a publisher, getting on the train to return home, laying the bulking bundle on his lap, and beginning a new book on the back pages of the rejected one."--unknown

A bold attempt is half of success

My fortune-cookie fortune that keeps floating around my desk:
A bold attempt is half of success.

(followed by the Chinese word for 'gooseberry' and my Lucky Numbers)

You may remember how awfully I mangled this poor blog when I tried to upload a new template to make it look snazzy.  I have had better success my second time, this time even stabbing html a little, with my new site I bought and now run:

You can read all the news and about the next showings of my ridiculous [awesome] toy theater spectacle, Beowulf vs. Grendel.  (Next one is Monday, January 18!) The site still needs plenty of work, but at least it actually conveys information now.  Phew.

I've been feeling awash in the failures lately, and trying to take comfort in the "making a bold attempt" part.

I'm going to try to post more about the failures to take the sting out of them a little more. I think I used to do that, and it was part of the delight in this blog. It also made posting about success not feel so gloaty.

more career issues.

A letter from Oscar Wilde, posted on Letters of Note, shared by my cousin Heidi.


My dear Sir

Art is useless because its aim is simply to create a mood. It is not meant to instruct, or to influence action in any way. It is superbly sterile, and the note of its pleasure is sterility. If the contemplation of a work of art is followed by activity of any kind, the work is either of a very second-rate order, or the spectator has failed to realise the complete artistic impression.

A work of art is useless as a flower is useless. A flower blossoms for its own joy. We gain a moment of joy by looking at it. That is all that is to be said about our relations to flowers. Of course man may sell the flower, and so make it useful to him, but this has nothing to do with the flower. It is not part of its essence. It is accidental. It is a misuse. All this is I fear very obscure. But the subject is a long one.

Truly yours,

Oscar Wilde