1.21.2010

also [my turn to panic, Discover Card. My turn.]

I can't even commit to posting this on facebook because part of me feels so humiliated and ashamed.

Right now this feels like accepting, and even embracing failure.  Hell. Feels like freaking SEEKING IT OUT. What, I'm scared of being broke? So is everyone! No one is prepared for retirement!  No one has enough savings! 

ALSO
I KNOW I'M BEING DRAMATIC.

.. . I knoooooooow.  GAWD.
I know.
But still.

You could leave me a nice comment if you feel like it, and tell me you don't think I'm giving up on myself.
If you feel like it.

Also
I'm not crying.

7 comments:

Rachel Wilson said...

Oh my gawd!!! Of course you're not giving up on yourself. It's a great thing to have two ways to make money, and if you're worried about investing in the course, it's not so much in the scheme of things.

AND it might free you up to take more artistic risks since you won't be freaked about about wrecking your livelihood.

AND I'm a little bit jealous of your plan!

joyofem said...

You know, you're actually considered a success in a lot of ways to a lot of people. Myself included. That's all.

DinaBear said...

As someone who has for the most part given up on art entirely but still has a mundane day job, I totally envy you. You've got the right idea; makes me wish I thought of it too. Don't doubt yourself!

Jeremy said...

I think about spreading the tentpoles further apart, to make the tent more stable. All you're doing is making the tent more stable, so you have a nice safe place to make art.

Also, the old quote: you can't make a living in the theater. You can make a killing, but you can't make a living.

Claff said...

What everyone else said. I second it.

It seems quite enviably intelligent to me. And you're excellent enough a writer to be very successful, methinks.

Also, anyone who creates the wonder that is "Beowulf vs. Grendel" is not REMOTELY giving up on herself.

No way.

td said...

Ya gotta eat.

readerwriterbookseller said...

you don't have 'enough" saved? or ANY saved. cuz if you have even $1 saved, you have saved more than me towards your retirement. xoxoxo