2.28.2010

I gotta tell ya:

This site is just about killing me lately. 

http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/

Seemingly randomly-collected photos of puppies in postmodern getup accompanied by blurbs that secure their hipster cred.

a choice sample of what awaits you:

ari stayed up all night drinking beer and playing old 7”s, so he’s gonna have to sit out this month’s critical mass
[photo via kari g] ari stayed up all night drinking beer and playing old 7”s, so he’s gonna have to sit out this month’s critical mass

2.27.2010

SERIOUSLY Morgan Freeman.

DO. YOU. REALLY. need every voice over account on television right now?
you don't.
you don't.
C'mon.

2.26.2010

bloopers: when failure = success

I love bloopers.

That is an understatement.
I love bloopers soooooooooo much. 

I grew up watching old black-and-white movies.  (My parents didn't let us watch anything produced after the mid 1950s.)  So these are the stars I grew up watching ... AND HERE ARE THEIR BLOOOOOOPERS!!!!! 



Bette Davis Blooper Reel (who I always thought was kind of a stuck up bitch, but I do appreciate her pretty consistent mutter of "awwsonofabitch")


I keep trying to write something eloquent about art and it's all lame, so I'll just transcribe these big sloppy delighted thoughts I have:

OH MY GOSH! BETTE DAVIS!  My wig got stuck on a guy's costume once toooooooo! 
SPENCER TRACEY!   I say that when I forget lines TOOOO!!!!
RANDOM CHARACTER ACTOR FROM 1936!  I bet you are nervous having a scene with Humphrey Bogart and that's why you can't spit that damn line out! I know what that's like TOOOO!!!!

and combine it with this expression, if it could fit on my face:


I'M AN ACTOR TOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2.25.2010

midday gchat

Brandon:  hiii.   you gonna get us some groceries?
 
me:  done it boy!  got you some tortillas!
 
Brandon:  booze?
 
me:  didn't get any booze. 
 
Brandon:  wwwhhhhhhhyyyyyy nooootttttt?
 
me: I got us some TEA.
 
Brandon:  what's HAPPENING to you?
 
me:  I'm trying to DRINK LESS
 
Brandon:  WHO ARE YOU?
 

2.23.2010

working actor blues

Hi.
I have something to tell you about booking jobs as an actor.
I'm going to say this is true at least 85% of the time. 

Getting a callback means you are a strong actor who could play the part.

Getting cast means you had the right color hair.

Anyone who frequently sits in on castings can't argue.
With a few exceptions here and there, callbacks are full of fantastic performances. That really annoying thing they always tell you is true: everyone is good, but in different ways.

My agent tells a story about running a casting session years ago and listening to the producers/director/writers debate which actor they'd cast in a massive campaign.  Finally they decided on one guy because -get ready for it- the other actor looked like an asshole landlord the director once had.   He told me that story 8 or 9 years ago when I first started doing this to try to impress on me how very, very much it was not. about. my acting. 

Nevertheless.
I was very excited to get called back for this:
Scale - multiple spot package (may or may not include, but not limited to 3x :30 TV, 3x :15 TV, 1x :30 radio spot to be recorded at later date.
•1 yr buyout for print photography taken on shoot day. Content includes unlimited versions of stills taken from TV shoot day to be used in Direct Mail.
• 1 yr buyout for internet only content taken on shoot day.
• 1 yr buyout for New Media usage of TV spots.
And I am pretty bummed I didn't have the right hair color to get the job.

BECAUSE OMG DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY THAT IS. 

2.16.2010

David

For college, I moved from a small town in Texas to Boston. I felt overwhelmed and terrified.
Freshman year -no, freshman WEEK I befriended a guy named David who lived on my floor in our huge dorm.  He was from a small town.  He was very gay.

With nothing to do on an early fall evening in a terrifying big city, we walked down Newbury Street together toward Tower Records, chatting and staring.  Suddenly David quit talking, turned around, staring at couple we had just passed.  It was two men, holding hands.

David's voice was sort of trembling. And he called out to them: (not yelled, called, loudly, specifically) You guys are beautiful.  I love you.  I mean it.  You're beautiful.

I don't think I'll ever forget that.

To have grown up, knowing that you're gay for years, in a small town where men don't walk down the street holding hands.  He had just seen his first happy, openly gay couple, walking down the street just like everyone else.

He cried.

Later he scandalized me with tales of all the guys he hooked up with in the Public Gardens.  David got a job designing displays at Filene's.  David did alright with the fellas.   David made up for some lost time.

Tonight on the train ride home, the two benches behind me were occupied by two teenaged African-American lesbian couples, cuddling and smooching on the train just like every other teenage couple.

I was so damn happy for them I felt creepy.
And I thought of David.

2.14.2010

brunch ull poop it out

successful:
made belgian waffles from scratch using delicious recipe for husband.

not successful:
after dousing all sweet, golden, crispy waffles with syrup, a sheet of pistachio-colored mold also plops out of the bottle.

successful:
Yahoo Answers search for "I ate mold on accident. Will I get sick?"

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

no ull poop it out
this was auspiciously NOT chosen as a good answer: 
Eating molded food is not healthy, but is not a severe threat either. Most bacteria and molds will not survive the acid in your stomach, and the disease-causing bacteria would have to compete with other bacteria that feasted on your meal.
Possible immediate effects are: an upset stomach within 24 hours, or diarrhea and cramps.
Nothing too serious! hope that answers your questions... Source: http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/

... again, most successful answer:

no ull poop it out

2.08.2010

Don't get SAD

I think winter is getting me down.

I mean.
It can't possibly be the unemployment, the empty days, the identity crisis of learning a new skill, the weight I can't seem to shake for the life of me, the sinus infection or the lack of auditions so
IT MUST. BE. THE WEATHER.


Also, the weather does suck.  As my cousin Laura said: it's bleak.  It's just been bleak.
She insisted on the word bleak.  


Is winter getting you down?
Do not let it!  Do not. freaking. let it.  Being down sucks a lot.

Time to mobilize.

Watch this!
http://www.sandiegozoo.org/zoo/ex_polar_bear_plunge.html
SO CUTE!!!!  Webcam of polar bears sunning themselves and frolicking at the San Diego Zoo!

Go to Google Images and do a search for: tahiti
CLICK ON THEM!
MAKE THEM BIGGER!
The turquoise is good for you!

Assignment for tomorrow:

go to the store!
buy tropical fruits!  I know it's expensive and not entirely environmentally responsible.  Let me ask you a question.

Is the environment taking care of you right now?
I don't think it is!
I think the environment is being a serious bitch at the moment!
I think I can have a fucking banana in the middle of winter, environfuckingment.

Also, maybe my body would enjoy some vitamins that don't come from an Emergen-C packet. OKAY?

tomorrow: fruit salad.
Listen up, midwest:
I am NOT getting depressed by your interminable winter and resulting sedentary lifestyle
and I do not
enjoy
being depressed, bitch.

2.05.2010

How to hurt my feelings

I invited two new friends to come to my house and have dinner and play games.
Neither even bothered to respond to the email.

I think it's fair to say:    that is personal.

not even worth responding to. [It's self indulgent to allow it, but] it [still] opens the door to some really awful feelings and memories.

snowstorm

...and then sometimes, everything feels so completely freaking overwhelming, it is really really hard to know where to even start on any of it. 

It's a thin line between exhilarating and terrifying. 

2.03.2010

The CTA sign has been drinking

Alright. 
I ask you,
  • If you are hanging out with your friend,
  • If you have just gotten to the party and the party is ending but you just got there so you're still ready to hang out,
  • If your friend says, 'I gotta go, I'm headed to this Prince vs. Michael Jackson dance party,'
  • If this party is only 3 blocks away and ON THE WAY to the train, 

don't you HAVE to go?

I had to go.

I DIDN'T have to make that mistake of getting to the open-bar party late, then making up for lost time by drinking all the free liquor I could in 45 minutes.  In fact, I really know way better than that.   Prince-vs-Michael-Jackson dancing is a lot more fun when you are actually in control of your equilibrium, genius. 

Sigh.  Still fun.   Still successful. 

Good things about living in the city:
You can take the train home like this

and the other people on the train are not going to judge you.